At close quarters

In a profession that I am in, strangely, one writes, rewrites hears about deaths almost every day. In fact, based on their numbers one decides what prominence is to be given to a story. Sadly, one has grown so used to the routine, that it hardly matters. But, seeing a death (I am referring to the neighbour's daughter I had written here about. Yes, she passed away a few days ago. May her soul RIP) at close quarters made me uneasy. As the father took the child wrapped in the pall, I broke down. I couldn't control my tears, though; I must confess that I wasn't very attached to the child.
This occurrence, strangely, made me feel good. The fact, that the human being inside me hasn't succumbed to the insensitivities of the profession made me feel great. Moroever, it made me realise that writing and presenting an 'event' which we are in no way linked to is easy, but facing a trauma, no matter how small it may be, on a personal level is difficult. And in a way, made me 'feel' for the sufferers of my stories more.

Manjiri

The racial bias

Two instances in less than 24 hours compelled me to sit down to write.
Incident 1: Packed train. Lady does not find place to sit. She gets bugged. Which is but natural. But then she says something which is outright offensive. 'You will give place to people only of our community.' The community she is referring to is the Muslim community.
Incident 2: Shah Rukh Khan gets detained for two hours at the US airport. Reason: His ‘surname’ pops up on the computer.
I personally get quite disturbed when such issues crop up. The very fact that an entire community is forced to remain apologetic just because few people from that community have been involved in terrorist activities is appalling. I am a Hindu and if I were to be discriminated against just because Sadhvi Pragya Singh Thakur has allegedly done something, I wouldn’t feel too good about it.
Now, let’s turn our attention to SRK issue. There are too many things entangled in it. A) US is bothered about the security of their people. (This is commendable) B) Their rules are same irrespective of your social status. (Hope India learns). C) They have a bias against one particular community owing to its past record.
Here is the cause of concern. An SRK can afford to have people like Vikram Chatwal to vouch for him, but a common Muslim can’t. (Does not mean, I am not sympathising with SRK. But, the issue larger than his ‘iconic status’ needs to be highlighted.) In which case, what is he supposed to do if his name ‘pops up’ on the computer screen. With all the technologies that US apparently has can they really compensate a human being for the humiliation he is subjected to as a part of this drill. Let me clarify, I am not against security checks per se either. They are required and should be carried out. But, the problem is with the suspicious eyes with which I may be viewed. If there is uniformity in the checks, I will more than stand for them.
When anyone is viewed with suspicion owing to lineage or your religion and not due to the criminal record, it primarily baffles the person concerned. After which, either one starts making an effort to hide the identity or revolts. This, in turn, could possibly create criminal minds.
Security, no doubt, has to be taken care of. But also what needs to be looked into is that innocent people don’t suffer because of it. A detention on the basis of a record of involvement in crime is required. But, detention just because one is born in a particular religion is condemnable. Coz being born in a religion is beyond one’s control. And so, one should never be penalised for it.

Manjiri

Miles to go

Have been terribly busy these days. Noteworthy things did occur. There were times when mentally I was taking notes and trying to register the events. But, as always, my memory failed me and despite earnest efforts couldn't reproduce what I intended to.
So. All in all squeezing out time was difficult. Though it is a lame excuse, that is how it is. Today, the minute I managed to find some time, I sat down to write.

As I write this post, Robert Frost's poem

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

goes on in my mind.

New beginnings always manage to arouse such feelings in me. At first, it begins with dejection then it goes on to confidence and then a will to succeed. Hope the new venture too reaches a positive culmination.

Manjiri

Being well-educated

As usual train travel, throws a gamut of lessons at you. Some which you are happy that you were acquainted to and some that you wish you hadn't ever heard about. But, what remains the best part about this sojourn is the fact that it raises several issues which are pertinent and gets you thinking.
An incident happened the other day where a lady tried to put the others down stating that she is 'well-educated'. She even went to the limit of stating that the others hailed from 'roadside'. These two terms do raise several questions.
One: Knowledge they say is actually meant to humble down. Simply, because owing to the knowledge you learn to look at the 'why' apart from the 'what'. Which in effect means you have a better understanding of the situation which you lacked as a kid. By asserting that you are 'well-educated' and that others are not, you are essentially challenging the purpose of being qualified.
Two: When you choose to state that you are better than the others, you need to know who and what the others are. In the given scenario, the lady was completely oblivious to us or our backgrounds for that matter. So, making such a statement proves to be nothing but an act of puerility as you can't just assume things.
Three: Knowledge basically inculcates a sense of discipline and respect for yourself and the others. When by the virtue of being 'knowledgeable' you fail to realise that, it just means that all the years that you invested in studying (if you were) were nothing but a waste of time.
Four: Most of all, knowledge is meant to make you more accommodating. If it teaches you become snooty and contemptuous and divisive, just chuck your degree out of the window now, because you have failed it on all counts.
There maybe various other points which may come up as we think over this argument. There may be some which may even overlap. But, what is important is that we need to start 'thinking' about it.

Manjiri

Thankless job

Two incidents, similar endings.

A lady gets into the train. Yours truly has managed to grab her window seat. With the earphones on and a book in hand, is trying hard to get lost into a world of her own, while still being a part of the so-called worldly affairs. At that juncture, a lady gets into the compartment. With a body language that could scare almost anybody and the expression on her face to match with it, she asks something to me. Earphones out. I, with my distracted self, concentrate on what she is saying. “Where will you get off?” is the question. I answer. Wake me up at "this" station. I say yes and try to carry on with my work. Conscious that I shouldn't miss her station, I wake her up, a station before her station. She gets up, stands at the door. Lets the cool breeze dash against her face and gets off.

A tiny tot, who is incidentally a hawker, gets into the compartment. Stares at someone eating the tiffin. Is offered the food. She has it. Is given water to drink and some more food to eat. The girl eats, drinks and leaves.

Regards,
Manjiri

Money matters

As a middle class person, you always tend to realise the importance of money more than anything else. You know what it is like to live without it and you know why it is so important to have it. But, what happens when the urge to earn money supersedes every other feeling. Not to be misconstrued, I am not against people who work hard to earn the money or dream big. The problem is when the means are wrong. The richness that you have earned is out of backstabbing, hurting, cheating someone. How do you justify that?
It's not about being judgmental. Every living being in his or her lifetime has the right to live the right way and pursue their dreams. At times, certain compromises are expected of them, which they are wiling to make. So far, so good. But the problem arises when in the drive to move ahead, people start making an effort to push others behind. That by any standard is not right. Simply because while you choose to move ahead, you have no right to decide that others should trail. Not to say, you should not move ahead. Only that you need not shove anyone behind. Coz, you too wouldn't be comfortable if someone tries to push you. Also, you don't have a right to cheat someone. Simply because no dream can ever rest on the efforts put in by someone else. You can beg, borrow, steal. But will that ever give you the satisfaction of having achieved it. Will it ever give you the peace of mind. Perhaps, something around which all of us revolve.
The reason for this thought crossing my mind is something that I saw at close quarters in recent past. Backstabbing in the meanest form. An effort to rob someone off their home. Yes, I say home, because that is what it is for the person in question. A home built out of the money earned in the lifetime. A home raised with the dreams of seeing your future generations live in the same house. All that was shattered in a minute. And all this was done by a blood relative.
It surprises, stuns and leaves me speechless.

Manjiri

Random thoughts

I have seen relationships crumble just like a pack of cards. I know how it feels when you don't talk to a person you really care a lot for. I know what it feels when you know the circumstances are not right and so are you.
But, there are times when the intention of the person is not right. The one who is wronged is your own and you don't know whether he is to be punished or no. Punishing him would be equivalent to punishing yourself as you will be equally pained in the process. You hope and pray that he realises that he is wrong. But, he is just too blind.
You are left with two choices. Either you give up or you fight. You go through a dilemma. There are several questions and answers raised within. Some which you don't have an answer to, some which you don't wish to find an answer to.
In such a situation, what does one do.

Note: This post cannot be understood without the context. The context is just too personal to be revealed.

Manjiri

Birthday binge

For me, birthday is the day meant to enjoy. It is the time to celebrate new beginnings and to cherish the good old memories. But, yes, not to forget, it is also the time to introspect. It is the time to evaluate which are the changes that came about in the personality in one year, what needs to stay and what should be done away with. To sum it up, birthday is a time to seek gifts from the experiences one has had in the year gone by.
If I look at my year gone by, I realise that in the last one year, I have grown. And seriously, it has been a wonderful year. I experienced a time which most of us dread in our professional life. There were twists and turns. I got to witness the changing faces of people with success and failure. I got to judge people's true nature. I got a better understanding of life. I got much more responsible. There was, of course, some inevitable dejection too. There were times, as all of us experience, when nothing was moving in the desired direction. But that is how life is. Something that happens to you, when you are busy planning something else.
Though, at that very moment, we hate the unpredictable turns. We crib, cringe and cry. In the end, we realise that all that happened was with a purpose. With the aim of making us wiser. Teaching us the best lessons of life in the best possible way. So, I am thankful to You, and to all those who have been good, bad or ugly to me. Because it is you who have made that one year of my life worthwhile. I may not be able to spell it out to you in person coz that is how I am. But, I genuinely mean it. So, a big THANK YOU. Don’t know whether I will be able to say this next year or no. So, saying it loud and clear.

Manjiri

Living without hatred

I went out with a school friend of mine recently, (actually on my birthday). Catching up with her after a long time made me feel terribly (I know it’s not the appropriate word. But that is how I felt) nice. The best part of being with her is that you can easily catch up exactly from where you had left it. And all this is wonderfully effortless. We discuss things in general and indulge in those girly conversations. (Mind you girly not bitchy. Something like who broke up with whom, who patched up with whom, who's seeing whom). We sat for almost close to two hours. And as it generally happens with close friends, our conversations went in all directions. Suddenly, she said about something she hated. As a matter of fact, I said, "Why can't I hate things?"
This has been the question which has stayed with me for quite some time now. Not that my life is picture perfect and everything happens just according to my wish. But, somehow, I can't bring myself to hating people. I may stop talking, stay away, stay aloof, but in the wildest of my dreams too, I can't hate someone or wish bad for someone. Why, I don't know?
I vaguely remember as a kid, I had read somewhere that hatred is always a losing proposition. And that had remained etched in my mind. May be that is the reason. Actually, I am unable to figure that out.

Manjiri

Love for labour

Yesterday was a very very busy day. We had to bring out a four-pager pullout on our own. So, the day, despite ending very late, began early. With just three hours of sleep, I got back to work. The regular commute-reach-work-home regime. From the minute I entered to the minute things got assigned on the page, I was working non-stop like a subbing machine. Subbed almost all the copies, except for two. Was happy to see the end result. As usual, it is the boss who gets the credit and never the subordinate. By now, have somehow grown used to it. So, it simply didn't matter. After finishing work on the supplement, got down to some little work here and there for our regular paper. At the end of the day, felt that it had been a reallllllllllly long day. But was in more ways than one, glad that it had been that way. I would love to have such long days time and again. The occupied mind just doesn't allow you to dwell over thoughts which may or may not be that great. Those 8 or 9 or whatever number of hours, despite being the same person you manage to switch over to someone else, devoid of all the tensions which otherwise grip you. You enjoy the other side of yourself or seeing one of the multiple personalities we possess. The liberating feeling could be similar to the one that people get owing to their numerous addictions. Only in this case, with the constant pressure of performance. But, the appreciation or even the satisfaction of toiling hard throughout the day and heading to a sound sleep remains unprecedented. Wish I would be able to get a sound sleep everyday. If only Almighty could hear my prayers soon. If wishes were horses...

With the ifs and buts, but with a big smile on my face.

Manjiri

Technology troubles

One small incident which happened this afternoon scared the daylights out of me. All was set and I was about to leave for work precisely in 15 minutes to catch my fixed train, when a strange (not by its occurrence, but by its outcome) thought crossed my mind. I thought in the 15 minutes that I have on my hands, why not charge the MP3 player (it is a few days old). So, there I went. Fixing the USB chord to the PC and watching over fondly as the player was getting charged. But, my happiness was certain to get eclipsed. As the 15 minutes got over, I thought of safely removing the device from my PC. At that instance, I was shaken up. The reason: the device was not configured. It just wasn't showing. That scared me even more, because all the devices (read: pen drive, MP 3 player) that I possess are managed in my PC. And a candid confession is that I am ok but not great with these things. My mom started with her lecture that you didn't check before buying and someone bluffed you. At the spur of the moment, I even snapped back at her. I kept on asking my sister if she had uninstalled something (as she has the unique knack of sending the softwares to the recycle bin). She assured, ensured and convinced me that it was not a result of her antics. That scared me even more.

To avoid any further snapping back, I decided to shut down the PC and leave for work. At that jiffy, my sister suggested (brilliant) that we check if the pen drive is working. So, I inserted the pen drive in the PC. This time, in the neighbouring port. To my surprise, it got configured and the folder could be opened. Now, I tried the same with the MP3 player and it worked. I was happy and relieved and finally left.
The 15 minutes had now become half an hour.
The train... It got delayed and so I didn't miss it either.
Alls well that ends well

Manjiri

Being 'she'

She is a middle-class girl. By the virtue of which she has to make sure that her dreams are not far too unconventional. She has to, at each step be careful, so as to not hurt the male ego. She has to make sure that in the process of growing up her thoughts don't go beyond what is 'accepted' in the society. She has to make sure that her career goals (if she is permitted to have one) are met before she crosses the marriageable age laid down by the society. Then the time comes, when she is sent to her 'real' home. She changes her name, surname, residence, and way of living and with all that takes the burden of living up to the expectations of everyone else and crosses the threshold. Now, within a few hours, she is considered a lady and no more a girl. She is expected to shoulder several responsibilities, take care of everybody, make sure that everyone is happy with everything that she does and remain obedient. Deliver a child when expected, quit her job when expected, cry when expected, laugh when expected and no matter what keep up the pretence. If she dares to think, behave or even speak differently, it is unbearable. She has to remain within the confines that have been made for her. So what, if she has given everything she has to please everyone. So, what if she is suffocating. So, what if she cannot take it anymore. She has to put up with all that. If nothing, she has to increase her tolerance levels. And mind you, all this with a smile on her face. Coz, she just has no choice. If she ever dares to follow her heart or walk out of a relationship, she is considered a fallen woman. The barbs that the society will throw in her direction make her life miserable. So, now with the circumstances that she is faced with, she is left with no choice but to believe in what her grandmother said - 'Women are born to serve men'.

Unfortunately, this is the kind of life, in the age of modernization and equality; some women are still forced to live. Sad, but certainly true.

Manjiri

When logic is defied

Writing about this issue is causing me a lot of pain. I am someone, who's always believed that as you sow, so shall you reap. But, what happened over this weekend has coerced me to ponder. There is this little girl who is my neighbour. Her mother must be 4-5 years elder to me. As school students, we were good friends, but somehow as it happens, we lost track of what was happening in each other's life over a period of time. But what I discovered the other day was heart-breaking. Her 11-month-old daughter is acutely ill and doctors have almost lost hope. They have refused to give medication as they are aware that in a few days' time, she will be breathing her last.
If we go by the karmic theory and state - 'What goes around, comes around', how can we still explain a kid going through so much suffering? What on earth did the girl do to deserve so much pain? Even if we say that maybe the parents have done something wrong and so the child is being punished, that too cannot be applied in this case. I wouldn't say the mother is the best of human beings I have known, but I too am not the best one on this planet to judge her. So, the point is that the child does not deserve so much pain. My heart goes out to her.
I contrast this with the smiles flashing on the faces and victory signs being made. As we all know, there must surely be instances where the candidates have criminal records, scams involving crores of rupees most of which would be the hard-earned money of middle class man, charges of abduction, rape, murder and extortion against them. But they get to live a life of luxury and minimal sufferings which anyone of us would experience.
Even if, we were to believe that her mother sowed something so terrible, a middle class man can never get more gruesome than being little selfish here and there?
But, it seems, just like the world, even God tends to condone the crimes of the elite.
Though this realisation struck me really hard, my faith, just like any other middle class lady, will remain unquestioned in YOU.

Manjiri

Back to pavilion

Concealing the true emotions by refraining from thinking about the 'not-so-pleasant-things' is what I have been doing for the past few days. But, the fact is that true feelings are always there in my heart and refuse to depart, no matter what I do. Matters are going from bad to worse and I have no control over them.
At this juncture, all I can do is keep my fingers crossed and pray. Besides which, there is nothing in my control.

Manjiri

Addiction no 1

While I was travelling last night, a police constable uttered a quite interesting statement. He said, "The biggest addiction or the greatest craving each one of us suffers from is the urge to eat thrice a day."
This got me thinking. If you look at it, it is actually true. We do all the good, bad and the ugly things (depending on what your cravings are) for it. We hallucinate if we don't get our food. We beg, borrow, and steal for it. The list of the things we do to get our meal is endless. And parallels can be drawn with any addiciton that one can think of.
So, the point is the urge to eat is the biggest urge that one can ever have. And it is no doubt, the addiction no 1. (Is David Dhawan listening?)

Manjiri

Why should that matter?

Yesterday, while I was on my way back home, a strange thing happened. I was feeling really sick and in fact fell sick today. (As I write I am down with fever. But, let that be.) Was not at all in a position to talk to anyone or even to change the direction in which I was looking as it would consume my energy. While I was at the platform, suddenly I could see women gathered close to the police help counter. To be honest, I was not tempted to look or try to know what had happened. But suddenly the lady sitting next to me said, "Woh bachchon ko kya hua?" And I turned. Now, the fatigue was replaced by concern. That was when we discovered that three kids aged 4-6 had gotten off the train by mistake. They didn't know from where they boarded the train, nor were they were aware of where they were heading. Women had already begun cursing the parents of the children for being so careless. My heart went out to them and in my mind I uttered a silent prayer. That was that. The train approached the station and I had no choice but to move on. This is not the strange part of the incident. What happened after that was strange.
I got into the train and occupied a seat. The lady sitting to my right (who was also witness to the incident) again broached upon the kids' topic. (A female after all. Sorry for being sexist). At that instant, a burqa-clad (I wouldn't mention that if it didn't concern the story) lady to my left asked what had happened as she must have boarded the train one or two stations before my station and hence was oblivious to the whole incident. The lady narrated the whole thing to the burqa-clad lady. On hearing the whole incident, the lady turned to me and asked, "Were the kids Muslim?" This question left me startled. At an instant where a kid is crying, do we have to think about his religion before trying to pacify him? Is the religion so very important? When there was Babri Masjid demolition, or Godhra carnage or any bomb blasts (as there were too many in our country) did we ask the religion of the person before extending our hand to help?
Some may argue stating that the lady was not qualified enough. Point taken. But, in this country, does one have to enroll into a crash course for learning humanity? A woman, by birth, they say has maternal instinct. So in that instinct to care for a child, from where did the dilution of religion come? Why should it creep into our hearts?
We all are aware of what happens when one gets consumed by religious principles and ideologies and gets easily brainwashed. It's undoubtedly that what is responsibile for the ideological and philosophical regression that we as a country are facing.
It's high time that we stop at least now. If not for anyone else, for ourselves.

Manjiri

Boundless love

Read a story in today's edition of DNA. A story of a porter's son who managed to crack the IAS exams. He dedicated his success to his mother, a beedi worker who was always confident of her son's abilities to make it big in life. Similar to it, was the story of Pooja Chopra's mother and the hardships she went through to support her daughter till she reached the Miss India pageant. Also what one can recall was the manner in which AR Rahman thanked his mother for standing by him.
These are just a few instances where parents (though the mention mainly of mothers) have risked all they had and provided all that they could for their children's success. Each time, when I see a parent crying, praying and hoping that the child does well in any endeavour or life in general, I am amazed. Amazed as to how selfless parenthood makes you; thrilled by the urge of the parents to see their child happy; gladdened by their efforts to give all the comforts to their kid; touched by how they manage to do this without expecting anything in return.
May be they are right when they say that parents were created as God couldn't be present everywhere.

Manjiri

Growing old

Being called a 'grown-up' has been something which all of us craved for as a kid. Attending family functions where people said, 'She is growing tall', 'She looks lovely', or simply that now 'She is working' would make me happy. More than the words, it is the emotions which come along, which normally work for me. A case in point could be the glint of pride in my father's eyes when he told his friends that his daughter is now a 'journalist'. But something that happened yesterday has left me pensive.
If you look at it, it's not really a big deal. But, I didn't like it and that is what is significant. So, here goes the incident.
I was in the train (Yes yet again. I am telling you it is the recurring motif in my life). An old lady sat next to me. And there was a young boy who sat right opposite to me. This boy must be 12 or 13. He just asked me which was the station that passed by. I replied. To which the lady asked me, "Is he your son?"
I sheepishly and trying hard to placate my fury said, "He's not with me."
A small incident. May be I will get over it, within a few hours. But the fact that I do suffer from selective amnesia and do forget the things which I should remember, I wrote it down. (Was she right? Am I really growing old?)
Also, at that jiffy, I didn't like it. And so, it has to find a mention in my blog. After all, it is a part of my world. Isn't it? :-)

Manjiri

Shaky beginning

Let me first confess. I picked up the term 'shaky beginning', thanks to the innumerable (human beings are by nature exaggerative or is it selective amnesia?) music reality shows that I watch. The judges often say that the beginning was shaky as you did not let the chord or the sur seep in properly. Cut to the movie I watched yesterday. It was a simple film on the usual mother-in-law daughter-in-law saga. How the m-in-l gets insecure over the entry of d-in-l. The reason why I have given these references are because if we keenly observe there is a lot of similarity in both of them. In every relationship, apart from the ones we are born with, the beginning is more often than not shaky. It is impossible for anyone of us to say that we have not been through rough patches or turbulent times in our relationships. Then what is it that helps us sail through in some cases, whereas drown us in some.
You may say that why am I referring only to the relationships, when this law is applicable in every move that we make. Here is where the film comes into play. Career, work, friends – all these are the things where we are okay with making compromises. Coz, they are according to us our valued accomplishments. In stark contrast, it is the relationships which we believe are trivial, fickle and consequently breakable.
Coming back to the question. What protects us in some cases and does not help us in others? It is undoubtedly the will to not let it go. The very desire of making an effort to prevent our ship from sinking. There are times when the waves are extremely precarious to flounder. At an instance such as this, it is always advisable to halt. The waves may seem like they are willing to swallow you, you may be petrified, and wanting to give up, but you can always remember that this too shall pass. For some tides may take time to pacify. These are things which are at times beyond one's control. But that does not imply that they are indomitable. They too can be conquered over if one 'wants' to. And honestly, the joy and the elation on emerging triumphant from this wave are unprecedented.
So, now you know, that it is in this wanting that lies the key.
And as they say, there is no limit to wanting.
So, best luck.

Manjiri

As you sow, so shall you reap

Defying the dictum of Bhagwad Gita implying the performing of karma without any expectation, which I thoroughly believe in, this time I made a conscious effort to make things ok. To behave with someone in a good manner to get that kind of behaviour in return. I just extended the olive branch and it seems to be working. For how long will things work, I have no clue. But, at least, I have done my bit.

So, now I can rest in peace.

Manjiri