A friend of mine put up a chat message which read 'I have concluded life - Its a bundle of CONTRADICTIONS'. This was exactly what I felt the night before the last. I was in the train. As usual late at night. As the train started leaving the platform, my eyes were wandering. I was hoping that someone comes in the train. A group of four got in and I was relieved. Its quite strange. The very crowd we wish should not enter the train in the morning is the one we crave for at night. Such is life too. The things that we are pretty convinced will not be a part of our life when we grow up, are the things we love when we age.
So, my dear friend I agree with you completely.
Manjiri
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Things are just ok
Interesting things did happen last month. But, somehow, couldn't write them. Not that I did not have the time (such a cliched sentence), but just that didn't feel the need to. Some thoughts I guess are really very personal and I am not too comfortable sharing them on a public forum such as this. But yes, the highlight was the realisation that I had last month. Perhaps, that left me so disturbed that I didn't feel like talking about anything after that.
It was about a house which I want to buy. A practical evaluation of the assets and the liabilities made me realise that it is quite difficult for me as of now. I felt very bad. Obviously, it is not about the dream house, but about a house before the dream house. One step closer to the dream house may be (let's be positive). The realisation hit me hard. My mom, who's been desperately waiting for the house to happen, was a bit disturbed. On the face of it, I put up a brave front. 'It's not happening and can't happen now'. But honestly, and I swear to God on this, I am not feeling good about it. It's exactly the feeling which comes when one prays really hard for something to happen and it does not. Your faith in the entity you have been praying to gets shaken up. With my mom, her faith in my limited ability is restored. But, yes, my faith in my abilities is not the same.I feel I have betrayed her. Showed her the dreams which I cannot fulfill. I am feeling like a mother who gives birth to a child and leaves him at the footsteps of a temple to fend for himself. The feeling is that as though I am shirking responsibility, which I have never done. Whatever that is, I have consoled myself, that this didn't happen, because something better is planned. And I sincerely hope that it happens soon.
Work wise things are ok. Yeah, that is that. Things are just ok. Why not great? I don't know.
Manjiri
It was about a house which I want to buy. A practical evaluation of the assets and the liabilities made me realise that it is quite difficult for me as of now. I felt very bad. Obviously, it is not about the dream house, but about a house before the dream house. One step closer to the dream house may be (let's be positive). The realisation hit me hard. My mom, who's been desperately waiting for the house to happen, was a bit disturbed. On the face of it, I put up a brave front. 'It's not happening and can't happen now'. But honestly, and I swear to God on this, I am not feeling good about it. It's exactly the feeling which comes when one prays really hard for something to happen and it does not. Your faith in the entity you have been praying to gets shaken up. With my mom, her faith in my limited ability is restored. But, yes, my faith in my abilities is not the same.I feel I have betrayed her. Showed her the dreams which I cannot fulfill. I am feeling like a mother who gives birth to a child and leaves him at the footsteps of a temple to fend for himself. The feeling is that as though I am shirking responsibility, which I have never done. Whatever that is, I have consoled myself, that this didn't happen, because something better is planned. And I sincerely hope that it happens soon.
Work wise things are ok. Yeah, that is that. Things are just ok. Why not great? I don't know.
Manjiri
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