Just did it

Yesterday, after a very long time, I mustered the courage to go public with my blog. It did take a lot. Also, I deleted four of my posts. The ones which aptly defined my state of mind at the time they were written. Reason... just that didn't want all that become public. Also will have to make up for those posting by writing more often.
While deleting, a message popped up on the screen. Are you sure? The action cannot be undone. Is there any action, once committed, which can be undone?
Ponder over it.

Manjiri

Questions

Why does someone behave in a particular way with you and in a different manner with other? Why do things never go as per your plans? Why do you face unexpected success or failure? Why are certain things beyond your control? Why can't you change the situation you are in when you want to? Why are you forced to put up with nonsense for no fault of yours? Why are you not in complete charge of the situation always? Why do you keep running behind a few dreams while they continue to run away from you? Why do you learn to ignore a certain things? Why does heart always take charge over your brain? Why can't you shake up a few people and tell them they are wrong? Why can't you shake up the others that they are right and they are suffering for no fault of theirs? Why can't you always translate your concern into the help that the person is seeking? Why do you find yourself incapable of changing all that is wrong? Why does your mind grow numb to things that initially torment you? Why does initial fury eventually turn into unsaid acceptance? Why do you get hurt whenever anyone tries to do that? Why? Why?? Why????..........

And the list goes on...

Dealing with too many things that have cluttered the mind. Hurt with the insensitivity of my own mind. The only question which emerges as the final product of each of these is

Why do I think so much?

Manjiri

It's not the critic that counts

Thoughts from Theodore Roosevelt:

It is not the critic who counts;

Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,

Or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;

Who strives valiantly;

Who errs, who comes short again and again,

Because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;

But who does actually strive to do deeds;

Who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions;

Who spends himself in a worthy cause;

Who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

And who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,

So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who

neither know

Victory nor Defeat.


I linger on these words that I happened to have read somewhere today. In a way, it is absolutely true. At every given time, it is the journey which counts more than the destination. In our life, at each point, we do embark on one odyssey or the other. Some that we always wish to go for and some that we never imagine that we will be forced to go through. It is these unexpected popping up of surprises which perhaps make life worth living. And as I always say, God is the ultimate planner. And when he chalks out the itinerary, one can be cocksure that things will never go wrong.
So, keep smiling.


Manjiri

The politics that I observe

Politics in the air. With heavyduty campaigning and poll news contributing to more than three pages in the papers, everyone from the city, I believe, is eating, breathing, drinking politics. Stars are urging us to vote. Asking us to choose the right representative. We are aware of the fact that it is more like a Hobson's choice and we are expected to choose the lesser evil. Today, all of a sudden the whole of South Mumbai is urging us to vote. I am finding all this quite funny. Not because I have something against them, but just for the reason that their whole priorities are so misplaced. Now, that their areas were targetted, they have woken up. And they are believed to be the most erudite, articulate and sophisticated class of Mumbai.

The basic duty of casting your vote once you turn 18 has to be instilled in them. Funny but true.

Also, what I find remarkable is the way Raj Thackeray has been finding a way in my brain if not heart. Though, I hate myself for this, somewhere I have been contemplating giving him a chance. But haven't reached a final decision as yet.
Modi, Advani, Gandhi (ohh sorry ) Sonia Gandhi and Co and Varun Gandhi (How could I dare to generalise), CPM, DMK, AIADMK, Shiv Sena are all behaving as expected. No agendas. Each one pointing the finger at other and expecting that the other person will not reacting. They forget they are all of the same breed. Politicians.
Hmmm. But what has been most amusing has been the way Sanjay Dutt emerged as the poltician this season. I dare to call him a politician because he has learnt the tricks of the trade. From making communal remarks to giving filmi dialogues to ranting to sounding MCP. He has done it all. And I am not surprised.
For someone who can shelter terrorists and keep one AK 47 as a gift (and then feel vindicated when he was acquitted under MCOCA), indulge in drugs and have a wild past ('I have lost the count of the number of women... in my life' - a sophisticated version of his admission on national television), what else can you expect from him.
And such people receive adulation from the masses. I cringe when all this happens. I cringed when Govinda became an MP, I felt bad when Modi was voted in after the Godhra carnage.
As someone who has always tried to follow the ongoings of politics, I feel terrible when I see those with criminal background come to power. My heart weeps. Not because I want to make tall claims of being a patriot, but because I don't want my country and my people to fall in the wrong hands.
But, sadly it has occurred to me that people like me can do nothing other than that. For the simple reason that we have no inclination of getting into the politics. We don't want to get our hands dirty, as recession struck people like us have other major issues to resolve. Country does not even come last on our To Do list. So, suffering wrong choices is the only thing which we can do.

Manjiri

Dwelling on nostalgia

First things first. I am not to be blamed at all for the gap in between the two posts. I had written a draft which had to be saved as I was compelled to leave. It didn't get saved. Now that is not my fault. But the punishment, of course, only I will get as I am forced to rewrite the thing. I will of course start from that day itself.
This will be a longer post. It is for April 8, 2009. My last day with my kids. I had expected too many things to happen. Had guessed many apologies and many thankyous to come my way. But, unfortunately or may be fortunately, nothing like that happened. Taahira was the only one who came. She got very emotional. Narrated the incidents of her life. Told me things which she perhaps never told anybody about. And in the end gave me a hug. A hug which meant and conveyed much more than her words could. There were the expected thankyous and see you next year too.
All in all it ended well.
Now as I evaluate, there were several things which I learned from this exercise (or should I say ordeal) that I went through.
1. It taught me that teaching takes excessive patience (something that I already knew but just had forgotten for some time.)
2. With some people the philosophy of 'good begets good' does not work.
3. If some people don't have the drive, you just CAN'T instill it in them.
4. All of us are born with problems.
5. It takes a hell of an effort to actually get out of the shanties that you have been born in to reach the palace.
6. Not each time can you make people believe of your good intentions.
7. It's tough to make everyone sit and study.
And many more...
Some of which, I am unable to recollect as of now.
But all in all, the experience has made me actually sit and ponder whether I really wish to experience all this all over again.
As of now, my heart is saying NO.
Maybe I should now try teaching younger children who are much more impressionable and who are NOT thinking marriage.
All these are probabilities and possibilities.
What will work out eventually, I seriously don't know.
But one thing I can certainly conclude that this was a bumpy ride, which has made me really wiser.
And for that, I need to thank all you guys.
You hurt me at each step, but I choose to remember all the good times that we enjoyed together.
That is the way, I guess, it should be.
(I told you I am wiser ;) )

Manjiri

True love

During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.
This is how an eight-year-old defined love on a website I happened to surf. For some it may mean nothing, and for some it may be the defining thing. Reading this brought a smile to my face. Reason: Obviously the fact that I had one such experience this morning. On the face of it, I have really been trying to put up a brave front. I have been evading the topic (the rejection baba) carefully. But somewhere this morning, I gave in. I just went close to my dad, hugged him and said I got rejected. That was that. I couldn’t speak a word beyond this. And my dad’s reaction was almost spontaneous. He said, “Huh, they can’t decide whether you are good or no. Besides, there is a right time and things will only happen. So, don’t hurry into things.”
These few lines uttered by him. Not really thought over. Something which came straight from the heart and reached the heart. It gave me the confidence. Made me happy that he believes in me. And also brought over a surreal calm. Something that I was craving for very long. His words made a lot of difference in the truest sense of the word. May be that is what the girl described as true love.

Manjiri

Happy Women's Day

Today is Women's Day. A day of celebrating womanhood. Celebrating the fact that God chose to bring you on the earth with the anatomy of a female. Well, that is what gender is, isn't it? Normally, on such days, I get into a pensive mood. I like to ponder, read and understand what people have to say about the Day and its significance.

While I do all this while I am in the train, I see a lady who's sitting opposite me. She is a middle-aged housewife (I guess). She has two daughters who are quite young, may be close 9 and 5 with her. As the train leaves the station, she removes a book from her polythene bag. And the next minute, I see her transformed into a strict teacher. While she takes her daughter's revision, the younger one keeps on distracting her with her innocent demands. Sometimes, she wants her book of nursery rhymes, whereas at times she asks for water. The mother with the perfect expertise of a seasoned juggler keeps on fulfilling all her demands. All this, without getting distracted or losing the concentration from the answers the elder one is giving to the questions. I compare this scenario to things around me. May be myself. I work and at work I do give my 100 %. But what at home? I cook randomly (depending on my mood) on my off day. The other days I get everything on a platter, almost literally. My mother wakes me up, whereas my dad serves me the tea (yes, we believe in equality). My food is served on the plate to me, whereas my eatables for night are kept in my bag by my mom. With all this as the background, can I really call myself a professional who does things on her own? Certainly not. It is people like my mom and the lady I met in the train who actually are true achievers. It is the support which they give to their daughters which is responsible for making them true achievers.

So, on this Women's Day, I bow sdoown and congratulate all those women, who support their family members and play a vital role in their success.

The reason why this post is written in two instalments is that mid-way through the writing on March 8, something really important came up and I couldn't wriggle myself out of it.

Manjiri